Crossroads

I started my university life a little more than six months ago. This is my first time separated from my family and I wonder how can I survive this long seeing that I never succeeded living independently before. As much as I enjoy their company I think of this as a practice to endure the "real world".

The real struggle started when I realized that people here in my campus are far from welcoming the foreigners. As the only foreigner in music major in my entire year, yes I do feel out of place. Barely understanding anything, I pushed forward and yes I did get quite a good score. But. I never intended to learn classical music composition. This is quite a big setback because I intended to learn something akin to computer/electronic music or at least movie/film.

Here I started to rethink my decision to enroll here. At one point I don't wish to waste my years here studying something that I don't intend to, but at the other point I don't think I could get a free university course anywhere else.

I wish to be free. Music is one of my freedom but here I am expected to write music with structures and rules and calculation every once in a while, all with deadlines and sets of rules of do's and dont's. I am supposed to learn something I've mostly learnt before during all 13 years of my music course. I'm expected to speak fluent, understandable korean and understand all their dialects in order to survive in the class because the professor expect no less, sometimes even demand more than the korean students. No special care, no slow korean. And with unwelcoming people (esp girls) on top of that.

I have to admit that one of my drive coming here is because of the almost unanimously popular K-pop. But I found out that I don't dislike living here. Quite the contrary, I love it here despite the ungentlemanly men. The men here are quite the opposite I found in the TVs through idols. They're....really something else. They wouldn't care if you're female, or that you're a foreigner. At least some of the men here in Busan.

But in a brighter way seriously South Korea is so calm, independent, individual... I can go anywhere my heart brings me.. I can do anything my brain allows me to! Even though people here tend to be ridiculously uniform on their outer appearence I couldn't care less because they won't bat an eyelash if I decided to be different.

So I don't know what to do. Should I stay or should I go. Should I study or just work here. Should I learn like crazy in order to graduate early. And restart my university live somewhere else. And burdening my dearest family with the impending bills.


Regards,

Tenessa